I’d like this to be private. It’s not supernatural, but it is creepy so I hope it’s okay. Sorry it’s so long, if feels good to actually write it down.
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Sometimes he’d offer to take me places like to the park or a movie as a “favor” for mom. And we actually would go to the park or the movies, which made the whole situation even more perverse because he was making me do fun things knowing the whole time what was going to happen afterward. Before taking me home he’d find a mostly deserted place and pull over behind a tan car which he said belonged to his friend Gladys. Then he’d make me put my head between my knees and covered me with a flannel blanket so I couldn’t see anything, saying that Gladys wanted to talk to me. I’d hear him open the door and walk on the gravel and a minute later “Gladys” would be in the car telling me weird horrible things – I don’t even remember what, I must have blocked it out. Once she was done, she told me that under no circumstances was I to tell him what she had talked to me about or else I’d be punished; instead I had to say we talked about stupid innocent stuff – ponies, school. Then he’d get back in and ask, and I told Gladys’s lie. He said he knew I was lying about what she said and needed to be punished, so he’d make me give him my bare foot and he would use a small tazer (I assume) on the sole of my foot. He’d do that whole thing with Gladys getting in and out of the car about three times and then took me home.
One day he gave me such a huge burn on my foot that my mother had to bandage it. She asked how it happened but didn’t seem too concerned when I couldn’t give her an answer. That day in class it was Show and Tell, but I had forgotten to bring anything. So I showed them my foot – I figured burns are interesting to people. My teacher immediately took me to the school counselor who took me to the police where among other things I remember they took pictures of all my bruises.
The creepiest thing that ever happened with Gladys though is that ‘she’ actually met my mother and babysat for me once. I had never seen her as my face was always covered, but I already knew from the voice that it was just him speaking in falsetto (to this day, men speaking with that kind of fake high voice makes my stomach lurch). She came to the door in a long yellow rain slicker with a hood covering her head and muck boots, and while she didn’t look too much like him, it seemed pretty apparent to me that it was someone wearing a disguise, but my mother left her with me anyway. Later she told me that she thought Gladys looked a lot like him/weird but didn’t think anything of it.
At no point in the evening did he reveal himself or actually do anything to me, he just continued to pretend to be Gladys. He made me sit right next to him on the couch and read storybooks all while he was smiling that creepy sadistic smile like he thought it was so funny he was ‘tricking’ me and my mom. Eventually she took down her hood and I saw a large white gauze taped over his ear – he said that he had cut off his fucking ear for fun.
I really can’t wrap my head around this situation. So much of it does not make any sense to me at all and it’s so hard to get past. How did my mother not notice? Like I said, police took photos of quite a few bruises on my body, I had a nasty burn on my foot, at least one huge clump of hair missing. And my personality changed too – I was in a constant state of terror, I was so anxious and depressed and constantly feeling sick. Sometimes I think that she knew the whole time and just didn’t stop it, or even gave him permission. It’s messed up and the idea of it makes me want to cry but I can’t help thinking it. How could she be so oblivious? He was one of those guys who ingratiates himself to single mothers to get access to her kids, I suppose he could have been manipulating her too. Since it ended we have almost never talked about it, and now she’s dead. I’ll never know.
I also obsess over his motivations. Why did he have to do that to anyone, and why did he specifically do it to me? Over the years I’ve come up with all kinds of crazy theories as to what was going on in his head, what he thought he was accomplishing. At one point I thought he might have been really into Twin Peaks and Bob and was trying to use my fear to access the Black Lodge – that’s the kind of weird shit I come up with to explain it to myself. In the end he got five years in jail, out in three for good behavior. To this day I have no idea where he is, though I’m sure he hasn’t moved out of state. I’ve searched online but I can’t find any trace of him (particularly surprising because he was in the tech field). I still fear running into him. Once in an entirely different city my mom and I were at Perkins when a man came in and sat a few tables down from us. His presence immediately put me on edge – I can’t even remember what my abuser looked like and hadn’t been able to for years at that point but the guy made me think of him. My mother was creeped out by him too (you’d think she’d at least remember what he looked like? But she wasn’t sure) and we left right away. That’s not the only time it’s happened, but I think those times were false alarms. I’m really afraid he might stalk me online. I know he’s out there living it up, probably doing the same thing to another kid. I hate it.
Gladys still freaks me out as well. Logically, I know she had to be an imaginary person made up by my abuser to fuck with my head and that it was him the whole time, and yet somehow I still have trouble believing she’s not real. If it was only him, how did Gladys’s car (pretty sure it was the same tan sedan every time, but who knows) get to be parked in these spots? If he planned it ahead it took a lot of time and effort to pull off and for what? The other thing about Gladys is that I’m pretty sure the whole reason she was babysitting me in the first place (rather than the abuser) is that my mom was going out with my abuser that night. So who babysat me then?
(Source: unexplained-events)
